Saturday, 5 December 2009

until now

i was on the run,
now am on the move
and lemme tell you
the transition
is not an easy one

i guess that also explains
my long absence from here.

its like opening a wine bottle
if you have never used a wine opener before,
there's a high probability that
you would end up breaking the cork inside
what a pity! and what a mood switch!

for some reasons i never liked wearing shoes
i always like slipping my feet into those chappals
and taking them off at my convenience, anywhere
in the auto rickshaws, at work, someone's home
or even while dining, wherever that is
but little did i know that a pair of light & good shoes
can actually do wonders, its magical
once you step into those,
you get stuck to those forever
NO, i still don't wear shoes though!!

the tee that i wore day before had a mix smell of
ralph lauren's romance (my favorite, i can tell you that much)
and naphthalene balls used in the cupboard.
i cleared 'em all today, the naphthalene balls
though it didn't trouble me that much.

i never really missed internet at home
all of last two months
moving to a new place is a pain
but it ends up surprising you in many ways
when you continue to live smoothly
without those zillion things
you were used to before,
only to realise what an unnecessary
importance they had in our lives
and how convenient
still life is, without zillion of 'em!

living independently for over 9 years
and being lucky to get a super flatmate by chance
who turned out to be my soul mate, an amazing
travel mate and an agony aunt too
is the sheer luck that doesn't happen again
sheer luck is one time, so true.

reading one of oscar wilde's witty statements
on never to trust a woman who wears mauve
can only be a precise co-incidence in my life
when i just did buy those mauve heels!

putting the right things in that order,
cooking a meal, cleaning the room
and trying to fix that lamp
with a cigarette in hand
makes you feel completely home,
like i feel today,
after these 2 months

may be the working internet connection
has to do something with it
or may be to be able to write here at peace
while i DO have the internet connection now, has done the charm!

whatever it is, it works.
lets smoke some,
smoke and then roll some!

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

giggles

you are sucha temptress!

i know what i have,
and i know what you want
i know what to give, and
i know what not to take too!

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

bird's view

couple of visits to this blog, my own
few thoughts; to pen down
many moments; to capture
oodles of conversation; to make
enigmatic progressions; to say and unsay
the number of posts thereafter, zilch!

i’ve been listening to lots of nirvana,
big yellow taxi, the doors and that familiar yellow
with my indulgence in groove armada
watching F#, Asus4, G#m
marveling at those chord diagrams
tablature, riff (s) I even wonder
will I atleast try to play if I cut my slender long nails?

as he explains,
surprisingly goa acted like mahabaleshwar
but we graduated to a Californian experience
genie with a J
purple purple hiding prince of Persia
there was no sun but we had our bit of sunshine
i can tell you that much.

it’s been the month of moving places
we call them ‘home’
it’s been the days of staring at full moon and
the sanity leveling with it's contrary
it’s been the moments of dealing
with an Atom and Item and being an either of two.

it’s the world with
birds of paradise
and the meals I don’t like to miss out on
endless kisses fill me enough to know
how we all are like those fancy empty vases
that always-always look empty and
incomplete without these fresh orange lilies
clubbed with white orchids peeping out.

if you are my centre of attraction,
let it not worry me
if I want to climb a cliff and
scream at those skies with glee
let me be
let's sing even a hymn if I forget the lyrics
of your favorite song
let’s dance with baba-roach
and jive even while listening to blues
if you like being fed,
we must try having five meals a day
let’s run and run away
where the world is as oblivion to us
as we are, to them
let’s dream and dream again
let's play and pay a tribute to marley
And sing, sing that redemption song again.

don’t you know
i am enchanted, smitten
blown, intrigued, vulnerable
and what the fuck, how!

let's order for that
bohemian chenin blanc again.
and say, and say
salut!

Friday, 24 July 2009

catch-22

it's not very ironic
how infrequent my posts
have become
it’s the rain effect
i promise
it was also the charm
of non acknowledgments
unsaid and understood
loop of hours
a day passed, a day lived
rational to emotional
journey of the imbalance
and then a stable destination
yes, some things never change
the missing part too.

Monday, 13 July 2009

giselli and marcos


the black coffee,
chocolate bregaderio,
the conversations,
the stories of Sao Paulo,
the second floor,
the sad despedida,
the guardians
of our nootro.

i can't thank you enough,
for being a family
to us :)

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

it's been 16 days


drop.work.pick.
clean.feed.un-sleep.

with a 41 days old nootro
that's how my days are.

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

nootropic



he is at my place tonight.



at peace, finally!

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

i miss

your 'cross'
on you,
and you
very very.

Monday, 22 June 2009

krypto



krypto, the little devil is much better now. not as ill as when she was 20 days old, size of a mouse staring at my face with her crystal green eyes. we found her next to my office building, sitting on a big white chair that surrounded her like a background color.
it's been 5 days from then and now she hops on the road like a rockstar playing her hide n seek tricks on us. am relieved :)

Sunday, 21 June 2009

saturday special

go, go make out
why make out? why not play pictionary?
make out because that’s what you do when high, especially on a Saturday.
that’s what you think I do just because,perhaps you do.
but why don’t you?
i know better things to do.
ah.better things.

oh you may know not them.
such as?
you’ll meet them soon. Hopefully. One day.
meet whom?
those better things
are you going to make me meet them?
i may. Be nicer to me.
what should do i to you?
it’s a challenge you fight alone.
oho!challenge and all, id rather bite.
that’s tougher
why?
you try, you’ll know
try what?
u must know this.
may be i do.
show me an evidence
of?
u know what you must know and do
bite
u are stuck in middle then
help then
no you earn some and then do some, and have it all.
ah. do you have it all?
thats what you’ll know and get only when you try
alright

so do we have an understanding now?
yeah
I expected as much.

Friday, 19 June 2009

i have lost the track of place

look at those tall buildings
in the background

hah hah! we look like tourists!
no i think this looks like
larger than life.


i want a raspberry roll,
i meant a chicken roll from raspberry.

everyone sitting here is lazy
and lying on this floor
those dogs; and you

oh my god!
that guy is playing with his hair
one who is lying in his lap
what? giggles.

i like when there is movement
i like the skies that are still
i meant the breeze
i meant the still skies
they are so calm and soothing


have some mercy on me
get me some food from there

how reluctantly he ate that cheese
when earlier he had jumped at that chicken
yes, the same doggie that ‘’shake hands’’

green t-shirt with greenish background
white with whitish yellow,
the dark shadows on the lit background
i love
the pictures without flash

its 1:10
the last I remember seeing
was 10:30

thanks,
you all were very kind!

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

so..

it's been long since I
wrote last, or wrote anything
it's been a month, almost
you can trust me when I tell you
i wanted and needed to write, and how
but all I had was
unlimited thoughts and
no words attached, with
no explanation surrendered,
i wanted to tell you about the pictionary
and that arachnophobia, I enacted later
i wanted to tell you about the night of jazz
and the monday blues at work
shades of sheridans, a blue margarita
must i tell you i watched 'angels and demons'
and have been dreaming of Florence city since then.
no, not Vatican. Phew! Okay that too.
it is strange how everyone is saying
about those disappeared ounces
and am loving it.
will you mock at me if I tell you
that I still miss the orange tree
and those lazy weekend samosas?
i'll be little hush-hush about
the stories of Belgium and Italy though
and that new candle pack
but I can talk about
the dining places,and the bench here
witness of those endless jabber
with her
i watched ‘once’, again
falling slowly
so much has passed
but the rest still remains still
unwashed, untouched,stirred
like the scattered beads
was; and the is.
did i say too much in
too little?
i told you i needed to write
and how!

Thursday, 21 May 2009

imperfectly perfect

hot feet
cold feet
blown mind
stoned eyes
lazy lunch
quick dessert
unwanted somersault
ignored hammock
set communiqué
slowest cuba
bonafide del mar
drunk fisherman
dozy church songs
touchy toast
purple beads
stalking lightning
imbalanced Neha
hilarious funeral
swaying Tanaya
lost and found Rachel
stony smiled Amanda
glov-ism Jo
thin iced meeting
unsettling warmth
sleepless night
early flight

to everything that's Goa!

Thursday, 7 May 2009

sometimes..

sometimes you don't even care
if you want to see them again
sometimes they surprise you enough
to touch your heart instantly
and sometimes you'd wish only if
you got to say an appropriate goodbye to them, atleast
that sometime was not so good.

Monday, 4 May 2009

the orange tree

the quarter moon,
with the stars, unusually bright
the horizontal lined shadows
made by the couch she sat on
fell on her bare legs
a cigarette in between her fingers
with her right arm resting on it’s edge
she stared at that orange tree
immensely fascinated

she could sit and stare at it
for hours, waiting for him
that clustered shades of orange
made her lively
and somehow
she missed him there
as the time crawled
it was an hour before he
walked in again
and carefully sat at the other
end of the couch
she was still lost in that orange tree
the colors in the dim moonlight
which she could only imagine now
he talked less
and perhaps,
she didn’t care much now
she sat there
for a longer time than her patience
permitted
silence combined with the serene
surroundings
distracted her
right then
he made a move
with his fingers
provoking the art he is best at,
the sound of music
that every touch of his finger
made
playing with the lower chords,
the strings stretched
graduating to the upper chords
in an unplanned mix
with a smooth surrender
trapped her attention
she was lost in the rhythm,
not in that orange tree anymore
she watched the smallest movement
his fingers made
the links he chained
to the tune of his unique style
the passion with which he
would retry
if it didn’t sound right
followed by the song she
dint know she would
fall in love with
the connection and the bonding
was stronger than she realized
his silhouette with the guitar
a small glass on his left, filled
and untouched till he finished
enticed her more than the starry night
unresistingly
she asked him to lean forward
and kissed him softly

more than the orange tree
under those unusually bright stars
she misses his silhouette
the filled glass on his left
next to her bare legs
and the music he touched
her heart with..

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

napowrimo #4 and the carte blanche is nada..

random thoughts
and observations
fill my head these days

it's exactly 7 subtle
steps of distance
from one gate to another
place where I smoke at work
(i counted thrice to ensure!!)

it surprises me how Vikas,
our pantry caretaker at work
never ever falters the number of
exact coffees he has to brew;
as he must remember them
who prefer
coffee to tea

how lovely the
Michael & candy’s song
by Ben is
how rhythmic
the sound of those waves
in the background are,
flirting with the sea creating
their own masterpiece

how perfect
these colors flirt
with the perspective
of the photographer
and blends to make
these pictures
communicate with you

how someone’s kindness,
lately; effortlessly
touched my heart
and how someone's demeanor
shook me inside out
that I lost my balance
leaving me to strive
and carefully
pick those remains
to move on

how beautifully
“tendacias’’ is woven
and shot, that
it touches your heart
in a childish way,
unveiled by an amused smile

and i wonder,
how the domino impacto
of those ecstatic moments
never really happens
in our lives, even though
we have carte blanche
to mould
the choices chosen,
and the life
we desire to live,
the preciseness of
everything which
we strive and endeavor
to reach perfection,
carte blance at times
is nothing but
nada..

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

napowrimo#3 renegade of memories

she remembers those days when
he would not go to work

‘i am lazy’, he would whisper
with his lazy eyes fluttering
and that familiar sheepish half smile
she would give a try and
think of an excuse, to not to go
locked in those moments
would surrender her arms
and the time would stand still;
muttering for few minutes
she would finally hurry up,
‘it’s late again’, and the laughter
between them
with those intermittent kisses
would continue
she would hurriedly ask him
to choose a color
for her to dress in
she would frantically look for it
‘its getting really late now’,
she would mumble again
at last she would give up,
and storm out
storm in, and frantically hunt again
yes! ‘This one’,
she would quickly slip into it
standing there, secretly she would
wish for a compliment
followed by the stares, he would say
‘you look very nice’, she would smile
a sweet surrender of those fragile
and rushed arms
hasty kisses, again
and the twinkling smile
with her hands waving, she would scream
‘I’ll be back soon’

she remembers those days and
moments, and he
the warmth of her, perhaps.

Monday, 27 April 2009

only a person who risks is free

to laugh is to appear the fool,
to weep is to appear sentimental,
to reach out to another is to risk involvement,
to expose feeling is to risk exposing your true self,
to place your ideas, your dreams in front of a crowd is to risk their loss,
to love is to risk not being loved in return,
to live is to risk dying,
to hope is to risk despair,
to try is to risk failure,
but risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
the person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
he may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, and live.
chained by his certitudes, he is a slave.
he has forfeited his freedom,
only a person who risks is free.

*thanks Ebikomaru!

www.candyrat.com

Sunday, 26 April 2009

did you hear?

Alice in Chains launching new album after 14 years.
http://tinyurl.com/dkww82

i have stopped enjoying eating samosas,
my favourite though !

and my molar tooth broke!
dr.kamath, i hope i am able to visit you
this week. sigh..

Saturday, 18 April 2009

napowrimo#2 word salad of Mumbai

Mumbai..
while the name itself dreaded me years back
i had taken an unsaid understood plunge never to move here.
it was like a smooth surrender courtesy- my apprehensions.
it’s been precisely 14 months since
i call this city my home.
the buzz on carter road is not over rated afterall.
it has its own charm. And so i conclude.
i will always owe this to Thomas (my broker) and Flory (my owner) in many ways besides the obvious.
the water fiasco in this compact house (which I call home now) was far from amusing and I could only end up mumbling to myself –
Welcome to Mumbai!
it reconfirmed my belief on how strong the force of misfortune could be,
there’s always a way out,
you just have to fight and run, run, run against the odds and conquer.
it ain't easy. And once you have overcome it,
its an experience only you could pay a tribute to. Independence touches its vantage point.
many familiar people came, stayed over and left the city;
beaten by the hardships of long travel, expensive food, the quality of life that doesn’t come cheap here.
digital media opened new doors making me realize
there’s much more than the mere beyond.
the people around, the chai schedules at work, colleagues, the creative lingo and earning enough not to save a dime;
then there are alfa romeos and series of bmw that keeps swooshing away
leaving me wondering if ever I’ll be able to afford a chauffer driven Lamborghini on my own in this mumbaia nagariya.
the match box sized house (as one of my dear friend rightly coined it), the stoned nights, and then the futile attempts of trying to do something else ended before it even began.
Yes, street jazz for instance!!
Blue frog to zenzi, poison to china house, and then gokuls to dragonfly.
musicians, entrepreneurs, crazy weird hair dos, over grown next generation, attitude to life, tattoos, joints, hash, honk honk,
oops!O so far churchgate!, black diamond aka jase’s club, CCD and blah blah
while I fell in love with the city instantly (to my surprise),
it has reached a threshold now where it has boiled down to mere monotony of variety.
i have savored what I could.
there’s so much to learn and know and yet
there’s enough I know to survive.
there’s so much of zeal to unlearn and evolve and yet
there are too many multiple optioned doors opened with the choices not so earned.
there’s never any time here and never those people around.
there’s always a distance and everything carries a pricetag, almost.
the city keeps you on toes to the extent that it has become hard for me to recall a good soothing simple life which has become a long forlorn luxury now.
not that am complaining, it’s just stated facts,
one and half side of coin perhaps, indubitable and for no body’s opinion.

It’s time now.
Camera, light, action
And yeah Move!

napowrimo#1 missing something

the broken beads, the denims,
the tees, unwashed still
and the zippo that they used
the chair, a sign of him,
where he always sat

its ironic how
nothing has moved
but for you
she admits, and knows
something is missing

his shoes next to the door
and her soul
she concludes.

random irony

its ironic how chains
of freedom
differs from man to man
it doesnt only hold true
in the variety that amsterdam
offers, so different from
riyadh, its ironic
how the fragmentation
of people on
a single piece of land
widely spreads across the horizon
amalgamation of cultures,
the perspectives, the thoughts
their say and when they do
even the diplomacy
the irony is that its not
only ironic
its sucha pity. disappointing.

Tuesday, 31 March 2009

chaotic silence

nothing else has moved
though all my senses are deranged
everything else is where it always has been
nothing is same no more
i hope to see you soon, again
only if soon wasn't this indefinite
the smell of smoke and you surround me
it isn't only the other side of bed after all
the shoes are missing and the ashtrays
untempered
with the stubbed joints in it still
you still got the last tea i made
and the empty tea cups haven't shifted either
nothing else has moved, but for you and me.

Zest Pest

Aln E is a dick
Aln E makes me sick
Aln E is full of ick
Aln E is a prick
Aln E is a ho bag trick

Aln E is a c**t
Aln E is uncouth
Aln E fucks phone booths
Aln E lacks a tooth

Aln E is a bitch
Aln E makes you itch
Aln E is a witch
Aln E should jump in a ditch

Aln E is a fuck
Aln E looks like a duck
Aln E blows and sucks
Aln E is just too yuck

p.s the name of target has been modified to keep his identity sacred.

- By a colleague and my dear friend during one of our client con-call.

Sunday, 15 March 2009

uncluttered clutter

ironed clothes
but the mess to find those
oodles of food
while you've just lost your appetite
this relaxed weekend
yet so deprived of leisure to smoke ''em all
bundles of comfort
amidst the compromise on your space
the hurry to rush home
whilst others made big plans for you
i so love going crazy
when my folks are here!

Saturday, 17 January 2009

imperfect picture perfect

amidst these extremes of
mixed emotions
while
i try to breathe
‘it’s simpler this way’
still rings in my ears
i like it to be picture perfect,
you said
it always been perfect this way, i admitted
it was the imperfection you paid attention to
it was being with you, i adored
strongly uttering those words
of simplicity
you dealt with it, and declared
fairly leaving me with my share
of these enormous complexities
of trying to be perfectly strong
and have you go.
your picture perfect had issues
the issue was,
mine never had any.

Tuesday, 13 January 2009

confession

i wud have sinned gluttony
for your love,
only if i had you.